Sunday walk

A couple weeks ago we decided to drive down to Zuma Beach on a Sunday afternoon for a family walk on the beach. It was really windy but we got to see some windsurfers in the water (which was pretty cool) and there weren't that many people on the beach. In the winter the beach is always covered in big sand dunes (I think to prevent flooding with high tide? Not sure.) and since they hadn't completely cleared them away for summer yet the kids loved climbing up and jumping off.
















The highlight, however, was the horde of seagulls in the parking lot. Luke is kind of obsessed with birds and was going NUTS over so many seagulls flying around. They kept running through all of them and the seagulls kept coming back thanks to an old man in a walker who was feeding them. It was pretty awesome.

And miracle of miracles, I got in some pictures!

Then there's this handsome guy. I really married a winner. Seriously, I don't think I could handle this whole mom of 3-almost-4 thing without him. He is so patient, so fun, so thoughtful, and always so aware of me and what I need. I can't count the number of days this pregnancy where he has come to my rescue and made dinner or taken the kids on an outing or just done something to make my day better, easier, and less chaotic. He is an amazing husband and the best dad. I'm so glad that we get to raise our family together and that I'm stuck with him for eternity.

Now all we need is for baby boy to join us. If he doesn't come today then I'm getting induced tomorrow and I can't wait to finally meet this little guy.

Luke: 10 Things

People keep commenting on how big Luke is lately. Not just how big he is in size (I'm used to that) but how old he's starting to look! Suddenly he's not my little baby anymore--he's a full-blown little boy! It makes me so sad. 

On the other hand, this age is so stinkin' cute. He keeps our family very entertained.

1. Luke calls all hats "Dodgers". So for example, when he wants to wear a hat he asks for "ma dodger" (even if it's not a Dodger hat).

2. He is SUPER ticklish. EVERYWHERE. When you tickle him and he can't handle it anymore he giggles out, "Done! Done!" Sometimes all it takes is us wiggling our fingers near him and he starts shouting, "Done!" and laughing.

3. When he laughs or is really happy he covers his mouth with both hands and giggles.

4. Will recently taught him the word "fart" and he thinks it's hilarious. He's not even two yet and he already has a potty mouth! Every time he farts, or anyone near him farts, or anything sounds like a fart, he smiles and says "fart" and usually we all start laughing because we can't help it.

5. He hates being left behind. In the mornings he gets so sad when Will or Emma wake up and leave their bedroom (without him because he's trapped in his crib) and when anyone goes in the garage or out the front door he usually bursts into tears because he can't stand missing out.

6. He loves his shoes and would probably wear them all day if I let him. He has huge feet (already wears a size 7) and walks on his toes everywhere he goes. He also loves to take off his socks during nap time and hide them between the crib and the wall.

7. He thinks it's hilarious to run and hide when we ask him to come (to change his diaper, put his shoes on, eat dinner, doesn't matter what it is). However, he's a terrible hider. He usually just runs into another room until he gets to a wall and then puts one arm over his eyes and giggles until we "find" him. (He giggles a lot- can you tell?)

8. Our house is pretty much always a mess and it's mostly his fault. It's amazing how much clutter one tiny human can make! Between him liking to dump things out and his habit of putting things random places there are always toys and knick knacks in every room of the house. I find toy cars in my shower, Easter eggs on the top of the couch, toy tools in the book shelf, plastic food in the dirty clothes hampers, and stuffed animals in my bed. The other day Will accidentally pulled a drawer out of his dresser and later in the day when I finally went to put it back in Luke had used the empty slot for a sippy cup, an Octonauts character, and a couple balls. He also likes to throw things (especially from his crib) so I frequently find sippy cups, his blanket, and stuffed animals in Will and Emma's beds (and Will sleeps on the top bunk!).

9. He LOVES bubbles. It's gotten to the point where we can't even say bubbles without him immediately going to the back door and saying, "Bubble! Bubble!" (We keep the bubbles on the table in the backyard.) If we buy a bubble machine in the near future, don't be surprised.

10. He loves balls, cars, and nerf guns and always has some assortment of the 3 in his hands, pockets, stroller, or carseat. If I tell him we're going somewhere, he'll scramble around and start handing me things that we have to take with us and then head to the car or stroller.

Brothers (and a ballerina)

Easter

Since we had a busy travel weekend the week before we decided to have a quieter Easter. We watched General Conference, decorated eggs, had an Easter egg hunt (which Luke mostly slept through but woke up in time to eye and beg for every Peep and piece of candy in sight), and had a couple friends over for dinner. 

Easter candy and egg hunts aside, I was grateful to spend Easter with my family and listening to inspired gospel messages to help remind me of Jesus Christ and why we follow Him. In March I sang in the choir for a production of "Lamb of God" by Rob Gardner. Because a couple of the soloists live out-of-state I volunteered to fill in for Mary the mother of Jesus during our rehearsals with the orchestra and the words I sang have stuck with me. She sings after the Savior's death and I am grateful for the message she shares.

"He who healed our sorrows 

Here was bruised and broken.

He whose love no end knows 

Here was forsaken, left all alone.

Here despair cries boldly, claiming this its victory.

Sweeter peace enfolds me:

Hope did not die here, but here was given.

Here is hope.

He who was rejected,

He knows well my longing.

He, so long expected,

Carried our burdens, bore every sorrow.

Here is hope.

Hope did not die here, but here was given.

Here is hope."

I know that the Savior truly does bare our burdens and sorrows, our struggles and our moments of despair and frustration. When he died on the cross, hope did not die with him. In fact, with his death and with his suffering in Gethsemane, true hope was born. I have felt that hope and needed that hope so many times. Whether its been through a life changing trial or just a really hard day, I am grateful for the chance to start anew, to reflect on my mistakes, to feel that Christ is there by my side in all things. Motherhood has been a real trial by fire for me. Six years and almost four kids later and sometimes I feel like I'm back at square one. And yet, He keeps giving me second chances (and third, and fourth, and nine thousandth). He keeps giving me opportunities to grow and learn and to teach my children in spite of me not being perfect (or anywhere near it). He has endless patience with me and sends me constant encouragement through the scriptures, through the words of the prophets, through friends, through examples of other mothers around me, and especially through my husband and my sweet, sometimes-difficult-but-ever-forgiving children.

Yesterday Will did something that I completely overreacted to. Whether pregnancy hormones had anything to do with it or not, I fully own up to it. I did not respond the way I should have or the way Will deserved. And it was a stupid little thing. I had gotten up earlier than usual and made Will lunch for school (normally Taylor does it). When I left the room to get dressed and came back, Will was literally throwing his lunchbox all over the place, smashing up his apples and making a huge mess inside, which I then had to clean up before taking him to school and heading to a doctor's appointment. Did he do it maliciously? Not. At. All. In fact, he just thought he was doing really cool tricks with his lunchbox. He was giving himself points for when it landed right-side-up, Emma was cheering for him, and he thought he was the coolest kid that ever owned a lunchbox! He didn't even realize that he was smashing up his lunch! But I came upon the scene, thought about all my efforts to make his lunch and all my inconvenience of having to clean it up and I yelled at him for it. And not just yelled--I was mean. I don't want to remember what I said but I was not understanding, not rational, not Christlike in any way. Will cried, I was fuming, and we left for school. By the time we got there he had stopped crying and I at least knew I shouldn't drop him off without apologizing. So I apologized for yelling and told him that I love him. He said that he knew that and gave me a hug and kiss goodbye but he looked so incredibly dejected when he walked into the schoolyard that it broke my heart. I cried all the way to my doctor's appointment, pulled it together for the appointment, then cried all the way home and felt terrible all morning until school pickup. I felt like such a horrible mother but Taylor reminded me that little kids are really forgiving and that everything was going to be okay.

So I did my best to make up for it. I tried to be really, really nice and patient the rest of the day, brought Will some newly sliced apples to eat on the walk home from school, and later took Will on a Target run (just him and me) to get a few things he needed for school (plus maybe a couple dollar section toys and a treat afterwards). Sure enough, Will still loves me and has completely forgiven me. In fact, he probably didn't even need the special treatment I gave him, but it sure helped me feel better. 

If my sweet son who was the victim of my crazy hormone-riddled tirade over a couple apple slices can forgive me, then surely the Savior, who was perfect and who has an eternal understanding of who I am and who I can be, can forgive us for the mistakes that we make. Even when it's something as simple and common as reacting badly in a not-as-bad-as-we-think situation, Christ has taken on everything that weighs us down or would prevent our progress. He shares our burdens, lifts us up, and helps us grow. Even though Easter has passed and all the pictures I took are about the egg hunts and treats and fun traditions, I don't just want to remember those things. I want to remember my Savior, Jesus Christ, and the lessons that my family (especially my little kiddos) help me to learn about Him. I am so grateful for Him, for His sacrifice, and for my sweet family of kiddos. Happy (belated) Easter, everyone!